The Emotional Roller-Coaster
By Playskool Advisor Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD
I was baby-sitting my niece once when she was around two years old. She had a hard time saying goodbye to her mom and dad and a hard time settling in to play or have fun with me. I went to hold her and comfort her but she ran under the table and told me to go away. I asked her if I could come under the table with her to keep her company and she said no, I should leave the house. I said I couldn't do that, but I would move farther away. I stepped back a little and sat on the floor and asked if that was far enough away. She said yes, and began to cry a little. After a few minutes she came out from under the table and said, "The tears just popped out." "They certainly did," I said, and we both smiled. "Let's watch Cinderella," she said, "that wicked stepmother is really mean. She says, 'hold your tongue!'"
I think the lesson from this story is that it can be confusing to us what to do as young children's emotions change dramatically about a thousand times during each day. They can swing from happy to sad to scared to worried to happy to everything in between. And they don't just feel their feelings. They feel them, extravagantly, like they just invented that emotion. Fortunately, our job as adults is not to keep them happy all the time, or to protect them from every tough feeling. Our job instead is to help them learn the skills they need to ride that roller coaster without flying off--to manage their emotions.
If I had left the room, my niece would have been all alone with her sadness. If I had moved in too close, she would have been mad at me for crowding her. If I had tried too fast to cheer her up, she would have felt invalidated about her feelings. But what happened instead is that she was able to cry about the separation, while knowing I was nearby. That made it possible for her to make the transition to enjoying herself. Many adults say that it hurts to cry. But when my niece said that the tears "just popped out" she was expressing how easily tears can flow if you aren't trying to shove them back in.
Here are some tips for helping children regulate their emotions as they grow--but don't expect them to learn it quickly!
Help them name their emotions, but do this a little bit tentatively so that we aren't telling them what they feel, we're just helping them find words for what they feel. As they get older, expand their emotional vocabulary beyond mad, sad, and scared. ("It looks like maybe you're kind of frustrated.")
Welcome a full expression of the feeling before moving into the "cheer up" phase. ("Tell me all about it.") We might think they are upset over a small thing, but to them it is big and deserves a lot of feelings. If they can truly finish expressing themselves, they are better able to truly cheer up.
Tell bedtime stories and play make-believe games with characters that have strong emotions, and who struggle a little with what to do with their emotions. ("Prince Ulrich was so mad he could scream, and he didn't know what to do. Do you have any ideas for him?")
It turns out my niece was right about that mean stepmother in Cinderella. "Hold your tongue" is just about the worst thing you can say to a child. In order to learn how to handle their emotions, they need a chance to speak up, let the tears flow, and explore what it means to be a person with the full range of human feelings.
Posted by Wee Care Nanny Agency
Friday, May 8, 2009
Nannies and Social Networking Sites
The Nanny’s Guide to Facebook
http://www.nanny.com/newsletter_may-09.php
Posted by Wee Care Nanny Agency
http://www.nanny.com/newsletter_may-09.php
Posted by Wee Care Nanny Agency
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Babies, Breast-Feeding and Pacifers...New Research
Children: No Harm to Breast-Feeding From Pacifiers
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/05/health/05child.html?ref=science
Posted by Wee Care Nanny Agency
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/05/health/05child.html?ref=science
Posted by Wee Care Nanny Agency
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Westchester Children Lend a Hand
Great article I wanted to share.
Doing a Few Chores, and Helping Bridge Bronxville and Nairobi
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/28/nyregion/28bronxville.html?_r=1&ref=nyregion
Posted by Wee Care Nanny Agency
Doing a Few Chores, and Helping Bridge Bronxville and Nairobi
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/28/nyregion/28bronxville.html?_r=1&ref=nyregion
Posted by Wee Care Nanny Agency
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Cute Article about the Economy & Household Help
Be a Patriot: Hire a Housekeeper
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/09/fashion/09spy.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=housekeeper&st=cse
Posted by Wee Care Nanny Agency
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/09/fashion/09spy.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=housekeeper&st=cse
Posted by Wee Care Nanny Agency
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Summer Nannies FAQ's
Summer Nannies: Seven Frequently-Asked Questions About Working as a Summer Nanny, or Hiring One
With summer right around the corner, many families are making plans for summer vacation. As kids look forward to a break from the school-year routine, parents are faced with an array of decisions about summer child care and how to balance the needs of their children with the demands of their jobs. Families also think about vacations, and the challenge of planning a family trip that is fun and interesting for kids and adults alike.
Summer nannies – often students or teachers – frequently figure into these plans. Sometimes families with older children, who do not need a nanny during the school year, choose to hire a nanny for the summer because their children would prefer not to go to summer camp, or because the camp schedule doesn’t cover their needs. By hiring a nanny for summer child care, the parents make it possible for the children to spend unstructured time at home, playing with neighborhood children, taking advantage of local activities, or perhaps just enjoying some down time.
For other families, particularly those with babies or small children, a summer nanny enables them to take a family vacation that meets the needs and expectations of kids and adults alike. By taking a nanny with them on vacation, parents are able to spend some time along together, enjoy a leisurely meal at a nice restaurant, and relax, knowing that their children are well cared for.
Whether you’re thinking about hiring a nanny for summer child care, or you’re interested in working as one, you’ve probably asked the following questions:
1. What do summer nannies do?Summer nannies may be full-time, part-time, live-in, or live-out. Like full-time, year-round nannies, they may be asked to manage light housekeeping duties in addition to taking care of children. Summer nannies and families should be sure to discuss these expectations, as well as salary and pay schedule, in advance of committing to work together for the summer.
2. How do families find summer nannies?Parents can find summer nannies through nanny agencies, as well as through the recommendations of friends and colleagues. Some resort and family travel destinations may be able to help you find short-term nanny services. In some cities parents will find nanny agencies that specialize in providing temporary nanny services with complete background checks. At destinations popular with families, the hotel may be able to help.
3. How can summer nannies find jobs?As for nannies, there are many ways to find summer nanny jobs, including through nanny agencies and through word of mouth. If you’re looking for work as a summer nanny, be sure to tell everyone you know of your interest in finding a summer nanny job. If you’re a student, check campus bulletin boards, the school paper, and any other places where families might advertise for a nanny.
4. How should expenses be handled when a nanny travels with a family? It’s important to remember that when a nanny accompanies a family on vacation, no matter how lovely the locale, the nanny is still working. The nanny and parents should discuss and agree on a schedule for the trip in advance, making sure that the nanny’s needs are met in terms of time off and breaks.
Families should be prepared to cover all of the nanny’s travel expenses, including airfare, lodging, meals, and admission to attractions which he or she visits with the family. If the nanny does not eat all meals with the family, s/he should be given a meal allowance to purchase meals.
5. What accommodations should be provided?If at all possible, the nanny should have a separate bedroom, not one shared with the children, so that the nanny has a place to rest and relax when off duty.
6. How much does a summer nanny earn? Salaries for summer nannies vary tremendously depending on the number of children in their care, the number of hours they work, the responsibilities they’re given, their level of experience and education, and the region of the country where they are employed. Ballpark guidelines range from $8 to $22 per hour. The best way to find out what’s typical in your area is to ask a nanny agency, or to ask several friends or colleagues who have either hired nannies or have worked as a nanny.
7. What about taxes?Remember that summer nannies are subject to the same tax regulation as year-round nannies. For more info, see: Year-end Tax Tips for Employees
This article was published on nanny.com newsletter, April 2009
With summer right around the corner, many families are making plans for summer vacation. As kids look forward to a break from the school-year routine, parents are faced with an array of decisions about summer child care and how to balance the needs of their children with the demands of their jobs. Families also think about vacations, and the challenge of planning a family trip that is fun and interesting for kids and adults alike.
Summer nannies – often students or teachers – frequently figure into these plans. Sometimes families with older children, who do not need a nanny during the school year, choose to hire a nanny for the summer because their children would prefer not to go to summer camp, or because the camp schedule doesn’t cover their needs. By hiring a nanny for summer child care, the parents make it possible for the children to spend unstructured time at home, playing with neighborhood children, taking advantage of local activities, or perhaps just enjoying some down time.
For other families, particularly those with babies or small children, a summer nanny enables them to take a family vacation that meets the needs and expectations of kids and adults alike. By taking a nanny with them on vacation, parents are able to spend some time along together, enjoy a leisurely meal at a nice restaurant, and relax, knowing that their children are well cared for.
Whether you’re thinking about hiring a nanny for summer child care, or you’re interested in working as one, you’ve probably asked the following questions:
1. What do summer nannies do?Summer nannies may be full-time, part-time, live-in, or live-out. Like full-time, year-round nannies, they may be asked to manage light housekeeping duties in addition to taking care of children. Summer nannies and families should be sure to discuss these expectations, as well as salary and pay schedule, in advance of committing to work together for the summer.
2. How do families find summer nannies?Parents can find summer nannies through nanny agencies, as well as through the recommendations of friends and colleagues. Some resort and family travel destinations may be able to help you find short-term nanny services. In some cities parents will find nanny agencies that specialize in providing temporary nanny services with complete background checks. At destinations popular with families, the hotel may be able to help.
3. How can summer nannies find jobs?As for nannies, there are many ways to find summer nanny jobs, including through nanny agencies and through word of mouth. If you’re looking for work as a summer nanny, be sure to tell everyone you know of your interest in finding a summer nanny job. If you’re a student, check campus bulletin boards, the school paper, and any other places where families might advertise for a nanny.
4. How should expenses be handled when a nanny travels with a family? It’s important to remember that when a nanny accompanies a family on vacation, no matter how lovely the locale, the nanny is still working. The nanny and parents should discuss and agree on a schedule for the trip in advance, making sure that the nanny’s needs are met in terms of time off and breaks.
Families should be prepared to cover all of the nanny’s travel expenses, including airfare, lodging, meals, and admission to attractions which he or she visits with the family. If the nanny does not eat all meals with the family, s/he should be given a meal allowance to purchase meals.
5. What accommodations should be provided?If at all possible, the nanny should have a separate bedroom, not one shared with the children, so that the nanny has a place to rest and relax when off duty.
6. How much does a summer nanny earn? Salaries for summer nannies vary tremendously depending on the number of children in their care, the number of hours they work, the responsibilities they’re given, their level of experience and education, and the region of the country where they are employed. Ballpark guidelines range from $8 to $22 per hour. The best way to find out what’s typical in your area is to ask a nanny agency, or to ask several friends or colleagues who have either hired nannies or have worked as a nanny.
7. What about taxes?Remember that summer nannies are subject to the same tax regulation as year-round nannies. For more info, see: Year-end Tax Tips for Employees
This article was published on nanny.com newsletter, April 2009
Posted by Wee Care Nanny Agency
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